Jumbled thoughts

Okay, let's be real for a minute.

I was lying in bed last night snuggling up next to my hubby and I realized that there are only a select number of these nights left with just the two of us. Don't get me wrong, we are both very excited about the little boy coming to greet us in the spring; however I must admit I felt some feelings of selfishness about having to share everything. Even though Eric and I have spent every night together for the past 5 years, it doesn't feel like enough these days. I think these feelings are fueled by pregnancy hormones. (ya think??) I am looking forward to holding and loving this baby SO much, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that a part of me is sad about the fact that it won't just be the 2 of us anymore getting to sleep as much as we choose. I'm just being honest here and I'm going to use this blog as my outlet. I feel like I can't post certain crap on facebook b/c of people's comments and then I just get irritated. Honestly, a lot of stuff is pissing me off lately and I can't even figure out why. I guess I can blame it on hormones, or if I don't I will bet the farm someone else will. HA! I get sick of reading all these sugary sweet posts and stuff...COME ON PEOPLE, be real. (translation: be pissy like me)


I think I got off topic.



Yes, I'm wondering how the future will be with bringing a new life into the picture. I know it will be great and like nothing we can ever prepare for. Everyone with kids says "it's so wonderful and it's the best thing ever!" One side of me thinks sweet! Can't wait!! The other side of me thinks yes, perhaps; but I think once you're a parent you have to say that. It's overwhelming and I can't help but think about all the aspects it brings; fun times and hard times. I am truly excited to have a son on the way and I cannot wait to meet him! I realized once I lost Chester how much of a void is left in my heart without someone to take care of. I know parenthood will be great for me. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't terrified though. I think part of it is b/c this was a surprise pregnancy. Even though I had thought about wanting to start a family for a while, it almost feels like it's happening too fast now. I am happy for the future though, let's face it...I'm not getting any younger and I really don't want to be 60 raising a teenager. Half of me really enjoys being pregnant, and the other half is ready to move on. BUT, since there is little time to enjoy the alone time Eric and I have right now, I'm going to try and make the most of it and hopefully I can hold this baby in as long as I can.



I can tell you where some of this daily frustration comes from....the stupid Christmas music at all the stores combined with children screaming b/c their bratty butts want all the toys the parents are buying for other kids. I can't stand Christmas music in the stores a month before Christmas. Seriously, I don't need to hear that crap....I like it the week of Christmas but that's IT!!! I think it makes everyone crazy. Makes me more stressed when I shop, that's for sure. Especially when I hear the lady in front of me singing along to it or better yet...whistling to it. Maybe I'm just a bitch. I'm just now getting old enough to realize it. hahahaha. I guess the holidays make most people cheery and warm, it makes me bitter and cold a lot of the time. Maybe that's due to the fact that I have lost so many close people to me right around Christmas. It reminds me of death. And I don't enjoy thinking of death at all. (another topic I could go on about but I will spare that post for now)



Anyways, I just felt the need to write my thoughts. On a different note, little man kicked me in the ribs for the first time today and it startled me. Holy cow! I was driving and I guess I was slouching to one side and it made me jump pretty hard. He's not THAT big yet, but I guess my bad posture made it easier for him to hit bone. Score. I do enjoy watching my belly dance all the time and he really prefers my right side lately. Funny how something so tiny can have a preference.