Tuesday, October 27, 2009

18-19 Weeks

Okay, so from my first due date I'm 19 weeks. BUT, if we are going by my last ultrasound I am 18 weeks. As I mentioned in a previous post, I don't know what my actual due date is...but the dates were only different by 3 days. SO....I will have to find out at my next appointment. Doesn't really matter. What's 3 days? (ha ha, okay so when I'm HUGE that 3 days will be a BIG DEAL)

Nothing really new to post I guess. (I'll add a pic to this shortly...I'm lazy and the camera is downstairs at the moment)

I am pretty sure I felt a kick on October 25 (my Dad's birthday to be exact). I think I feel a kick MAYBE once a day, but I still have a hard time knowing for sure. (Thank you anterior placenta)

My weight gain is under control more....or at least I feel like it is. I have started to taper off on the gaining EVERY day...thank God. It's really hard to know how big I should look. I know how much weight gain is okay but weight on a scale and the way it looks in the mirror are totally different. (and yes, I know...every woman carries different and looks different, but it's just weird when you start doing double takes in the mirror) I feel the need to compare bellies for sanity. Part of the problem is that I'm still in the "I just look fat; maybe pregnant" stage. Here soon it will be OBVIOUS.

Picking a name is stressful too. Girl names are easier b/c they all sound pretty. Boy names are hard in my opinion if you don't already have a favorite. It has to be a strong name, a good name. Not one that will get his ass kicked at school. (kids are so mean) I don't have many ideas at the moment, but I'm still looking. I probably won't know until he's out.

Broken Heart

I don't want to type much on this subject right now b/c I don't want to get sad and depressed. As many of you know via facebook, my Chester is not with me anymore. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and my heart is broken. He was not doing good for a few months and these last 4 weeks were VERY rough so I knew it was about that time. I had been hand feeding him and coaxing him to eat for several weeks and I was doing everything I could to make him comfortable and feel loved. (If you do not know how I am with my dogs, and especially how I was with Chester you would know that he was my baby. His needs always took priority over my own.) He started to whimper pretty loudly last Wednesday night (and he NEVER cries, EVER...so laid back and easy going) and I knew he was in pain. He couldn't get comfortable and his eyes were telling me something. We took him around 1am to an emergency animal clinic and had a doctor look at him. She said he had lost so much weight and he wasn't doing very good. She said we had 2 choices: do every kind of testing and treatment imaginable, or to put him to sleep. I had already been putting him through all kinds of tests and treatment since June of this year. Kidney problems, bladder problems....he either had kidney failure or bladder cancer-neither were treatable. I didn't think he wanted to be stuck with needles anymore and I knew from spending every waking moment with him how he must have felt. I didn't want him to spend any overnight time at the vet when he was so sad. :( It was so hard to do, but we decided to let him go to sleep after 14 years on this earth. I really believe he had cancer b/c of how he took a turn for the worst. I miss him so much. He has slept by my belly at night since before I could drive. He is forever missed and irreplaceable.

They also asked if I wanted to take him home in a coffin to bury him, or no coffin, or leave him there, or have him creamated. I hadn't really thought about that before. I knew I could not leave him there for the last time...he has to come back to his mommy. I opted to have him creamated b/c I didn't want to bury him in our yard here. I don't know how long we will stay here and it might sound silly, but I want to find a good place for him to rest. So, until I find that spot, he will be in an urn in my house. Maybe it's morbid, but it sets my soul at ease. I found a necklace online that I bought that means "you left a paw print on my heart" and I can put a small amount of his ashes in there. I will be happy to get my necklace so he can be with me again. I feel alone despite the growing child inside me.

Chester should be back home in the next few days.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Oh Boy!

Had a sonogram on Monday and found out we are having a boy. Crazy! My original due date was 03/22/2010 but my sono at 9 weeks said 03/26/2010 and my sono on Monday said my EDD was 03/25/2010. I feel stupid, but I'm not sure what it really is. I always forget to ask something at the doctor. I don't know why...maybe it's because I sit in the waiting room bored and tuned into my own head and I just can't seem to pull myself out of the fog. Anyways, everything looked good from what I could see and it was so neat to see him moving around in there. I can feel the "flutters" but no real kicks yet. Turns out my placenta is anterior so it could take a little longer for me to feel. I'll probably appreciate that extra padding later on when he is much stronger.

Interesting side note: I just found out my new nickname from my brother is "chunk." Nice.

It feels different knowing that it's boy and not just an "it" anymore. It's neat to think about what he will look like, and how he will sound. I can't wait to buy little sneakers and baseball hats.
Time to decorate and shop! Woohoo! I will be looking all over for fun stuff to get. I really love craigslist right now. If you hear of any good deals, let me know. :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

16 weeks

Well, I made it to the fourth month mark. I find it a little odd that I have gotten sick to my stomach more now since I'm OUT of the first trimester. Joy. Tonight I noticed my actual baby bump swelling out more. (the bump in my pictures is my usual "padding" that has been pushed up by my growing uterus) As Courtney would say "sexy." I try to feel the baby move but I haven't had much luck. I think I feel something going on, but I can't tell yet. They say it could feel like bubbles but if I think hard enough I can always feel something bubbling down in my belly. Hopefully I will feel something soon, I'm very excited about that part. I feel a little weird b/c I feel very out of the loop on being pregnant since I don't feel anything and I've only had one sonogram. I'm a nervous person anyways and I have to really relax and realize that everything is fine. (I always turn to Courtney for reassurance...she is my mommie consultant) I go to the Dr. on Friday and I am excited to hear a loud heartbeat this time around. At my 12 week appointment I could only hear a very faint heartbeat and I heard a kick too...so that was neat. I will get to schedule my sonogram soon and hopefully we will find out what it is. I'm extremely excited about this next sonogram more for the fact that it will look like a baby and not a shrimp and I can confirm that it is healthy.
I don't really have any weird cravings yet other than I just want more of the stuff I have always liked. Cheese, pickles, Pepperidge Farm cookies, and of course ice cream and oreos...oh and apples. Mmmm, well I guess I should sign off now...talking about food has created a hungry monster inside me. So far, my favorite thing about being pregnant....the boobs.
Weird...just as I was finishing up on this I think I felt something move. Ha! Not sure, I wasn't paying much attention. Hold on...I'll be very still....there it was again! I think? I'll walk around, see if I have to fart. If I don't , then I'll believe I actually felt baby. :)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Question for you Moms out there...

How do you tell if you are valid for being pissed off at something or if you are being a pregnant bitch? Lately I can't seem to tell the difference.

Maybe I'm just extra touchy from hormone/body changes. (You think??) Seeing my weight increase so fast is really hard to adjust to...regardless if I'm growing a baby or not.